So it's been over a year since I've posted anything and a lot has changed, especially me, but despite the time that's passed never have I felt more of a wanderer. So with respect to everything this blog was supposed to be about, I think it's time to end my writing hiatus.
The me that is returning is now 21, 22 by next week, works at a local restaurant, has been through happiness and heartaches, graduated from college, and is now looking for a career. Hence, the wandering. While this freedom is refreshing considering the school, work, and extra-curricular load I had over my college years, it's also incredibly frustrating. I balance on the brink of relaxation and laziness. Days I don't work I should be looking for work, too bad looking for work is a soul sucking activity that leaves me seeking relaxation. This cycle often leads to procrastination, avoidance, and sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Which I both enjoy and hate.
I am at a point in my life where I am transitioning from school life to real life. And I'm perfectly aware that once real life begins, it's never going to end. (For those that need explanation, real life = career) I've talked to enough young professionals and veterans to know that once it begins you never stop. So this is what I face, no career = no money, no insurance, no retirement, no future fulfillment OR career = lifelong battle to balance work, family, friends, and social life.
I also face the ever differing opinions of people on what job I should consider to launch my career. Many say to just grab anything, something. No matter if the salary is lower than desired or expected from my background and education, no matter if it's in an area I have no interest in at all. Take it cause it pays the bills. Then there's my opinion, which BTW is slowly but surely loosing my conviction. I don't wanna settle for just anything. Am I being picky? I don't want a sales job masked as a marketing job. I don't want some job that pays less than industry average especially since I feel that I've been working to get a good job since year one of college. I don't want some job that I tell myself every day that I'll get out as soon as I find something else and am in very real danger of never leaving since once you're in, it's hard to back out especially if you have commitments and responsibilities.
I think I have a very real passion and determination that could carry me in work that challenges me. Yet, despite all that no number of carefully crafted and personalized cover letters seems to be working. Yes, I know I know, it's all about networking. Maybe eventually that will help me out. It's just real damn hard to stay optimistic.
Every day is limbo. It's am I happy, am I unhappy? It's am I doing enough, or should I be doing less? Should I be enjoying this time, or working harder? All questions that can not only be applied to my work life, but my romantic life as well. UGHHH.
If this is being in an grown up, it's exhausting. Yah, you're an adult at 18, but being a grown up? The idea leaves me wary. Maybe I just have Peter Pan syndrome. Maybe, I'm just lazy, or too picky, or over-thinking life in general.
Regardless, I'm wandering again. Wander with me?
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