Case of the Reds

So before I tell you all about Italy, which yes yes I'm getting around to and I've already started writing, I would like to write about how this day is crap. It's crap not cause I lost my cell phone, broke my computer or something significant, it's crap because I have zero motivation and  cause I'm dwelling on depressing ideas.

I called off all my meetings with friends this morning, I decided not to go to class, opted to do a presentation alone, and my apartment is failing. Called off the meetings cause I stayed up until 5am, and I do realize this is not a smart decision. I decided not to go to class cause I didn't want to deal with the anxiety that comes with public speaking which is required every class. I opted to do the presentation alone cause I didn't speak to the students that I would do it with since they also give me massive anxiety. My apartment has no working washing machine, so clothes are getting dirty, it smells all over the place cause they dried while soaked and dirty, and I woke up this morning and there is no running water anywhere. Lovely. I'm not too happy with my landlord.

In retrospect yes it's one bad decision after one bad decision, but you know what I'm having a mood. I'm allowed to have moods. I stayed up until 5am because I wanted to talk to my family, the family I won't see for Thanksgiving, who I might not see next Thanksgiving, and who might be absent this Easter. Not to mention my favorite commercial holiday, Black Friday is slowly dying without the dynamic duo of my sister and I. As I like to call it (and Audrey Hepburn does too) I've got a bad case of the reds. I'm sad and I have no reason why. Well I know why, but I don't see them as legitimate reasons to be sad or put myself in a rut like I am.

The thing is, for the first time in a long time I felt creative again yesterday. I channeled thoughts and emotions. I dwelled on ideas. Maybe not happy ideas because honestly I write the best on emotions of frustration, pain, and fear, but yesterday I made poetry. I wrote again. Not just poetry but I did a paper for a class that's due two weeks from now and I think the introduction is fantastic. My mind opened up again. Which in this case probably wasn't the best idea since all my ideas and thoughts from the experiences of the day reverted me back to questions about life, success, and happiness, but just being able to think made me overjoyed.

This idea or question was, at what point do we become complacent and turn into the people we swore we would never be? I've noticed a trend. As we start to get older, we start to settle more. Our imaginations die and our creativity becomes stalled (hence my surprise at the burst that I had yesterday). Life becomes day after day blending in and brightened up by only those we find most dear. We find comfort and laughter in the everyday because the everyday starts to be all there is. We get up. Go to work. Pick up the kids. Come home and make dinner. Sleep. Do it all over again. Don't tell me I'm wrong. Don't tell me you don't see the monotony that comes from a normal stable life. Yet, it's what we all strive for. It's the illusive American dream. Why do you think companies look for younger more innovative professionals? Cause they haven't died inside yet. (I know I'm being dramatic.) Why do you think everyone reminisces about their pasts? Cause we all are looking for something we don't have now.

So yes, this day is crap. It's crap cause I have a case of the reds and it's incredibly depressing and non motivating. I'll most like sit on this couch that is my bed until class at 4:30pm. Maybe I'll even eat. If the apartment gods shine on me maybe they'll give me some water to wash my face. Today, I just don't care.

Paris Holds the Key to Your Heart! (Name that movie!)

Arc de Triomphe at night

Bonjour! So this past weekend I went to Paris and it was amazing. Ran into a few bumps but overall the trip was great. Getting there was a bit of an issue due to the striking and rioting in Paris, but hey, I made it there and I made it back to Budapest. All is well.

So first of all, went out the night before my extremely long train ride and it was a terrible idea. I was extremely slow the next day and my head hurt, my stomach hurt, and my whole body basically hurt. It blew. It really really blew. At one point I was so upset I just wanted to sit down and cry. Luckily, being the trooper that I am (and after a phone call to my best friend back in the states who was gracious enough to answer the phone at 5am), I got to the station and got onto my train. It was different than I thought it was going to be. I was expecting a train like all my others and this one was a Rail Jet. The seats were really comfy and it was modern and pretty. The facilities were nice and there was a food cart that came around every so often. I was being spoiled, cause the train from Munich to Paris not as nice. I hardly slept and that's when I ran into some problems. Apparently they couldn't get us into the station because of rioters and we had to stop in Mannheim, Germany at 3am to take buses that were going to take us in "the direction" of Paris. The bus driver also warned us that people might try to stop the bus, but not to panic. It was slightly frightening. Turns out we got dropped off at Disney Paris and although it's supposed to be the happiest place on earth it was covered in armed guards that were in full military dress, berets, and big guns. I also got lost after I figured out the metro and had to call a cab to take me to the hotel and later I found out he totally jipped me. But why dwell on that when I was in Paris?!

Armed Guards at the Louvre just like the ones at Disney

Over the next three days I saw the Eiffel Tower (at all times of the day and in several types of weather), the Louvre, the Notre Dame, the Pompidou, Concorde, Opera House (where I saw Kiera Knightly, details to come), the Bastille, and the Arc de Triomphe. It was breathtaking. Paris is beautiful, but unfortunately also covered in tourists and vendors. The Eiffel Tower was my favorite at night and I absolutely loved seeing it sparkle. I felt like a complete kid again. It made me giggle I was so excited. The Louvre was filled with so many famous pieces and of course I saw the Monalisa, the big glass pyramid (which totally reminded me of the book Angels and Demons), and all the famous statues. Which I still don't understand how someone can make something so delicate and pretty out of stone. It amazes me. I lit candles for my family in the Notre Dame and thought of the Disney movie the entire time I was in there. Most exciting though was spotting Kiera Knightly and although she rejected taking a picture with me I spoke five words to her and tapped her on the shoulder. Plus Misia and I stole some pictures. It was such an adrenaline rush.

Unfortunately, Paris is also very expensive. It definitely made me a little bit more broke and it didn't help that I wanted to buy something for everyone. I did get a lot of Christmas shopping done though. Although, an elaborate meal was too expensive I still had my cheese plate (which I was most excited for), real french onion soup, fresh pastries in the morning, and delicious nutella and banana crepes.

Next stop is Rome and Venice. Let's hope I don't buy up a storm there too.